Sometimes our everyday adventures end with someone with wet pants or a bad case of the farts. It happens. Today we bought a prop to go with our adventures...and will go on our separate adventures. Here is the story.
Downtown Adventure.
First, I got there at the correct time. I'm a punctual person, and Emily is more of a "give or take an hour" person. I had plenty of time to sit by the fountain and enjoy a coffee. I also had an opportunity to people watch. It was noted that people love to dig their ass in public and think no one notices. I noticed. People downtown must not wear underwear that fit because all kinds of fools were fighting their hungry butts to save their underwear. It was highly comical.
She finally arrived and it was time to start our adventure. She was pretty concerned about me walking and tripping on curbs, but I was willing to risk it. Our first stop was Tiffany's, because we are high fashion bitches and wanted to see what they had to go with our Target cardigans and Old Navy jeans. After a little window shopping at Tiffany's, we headed over to the new bookstore to try to look educated. We were immediately hit up for money by a young teen collecting for his "basketball team". I'm pretty sure he was collecting for his "pot team" because you could smell it a mile away.
Of course, the first books we come across in the fancy bookstore a crossed from Tiffany's was...fart books. A whole plethora of fart manuals, "tootorials", and sound books. We were like kids in a candy store. Here is Emily checking out a farting technique that she undoubtedly has done many times. It makes her grocery shopping go faster...not only from the wind force pushing her and the cart, but from people getting out of the way. Sorry your secret got out, Emily.
Next, we head into Macy's. I don't know why we go in there. Why buy $129 boots when you can buy $29 boots at Payless and spend the other $100 on fart books? It makes sense to us. As always, we end up in the purse and wallet section. Emily has been searching for the perfect wallet since 2010. I'll be sad when she actually finds one because then we won't get to go to Macy's and make fun of the ugly purses. On one of our last adventures, I wrote little, random notes on post its and put them inside the purses. Some were nice, some were snarky. I hope whoever bought the purse that had the note "this purse makes you look fat" didn't take it personally. I was having a bad day, LOL.
Next, we head to TJMaxx. This was a somber trip at first because we know it will be one of the last times we go. Seeing as Carew Mall is a rotting shit hole with no tenants, TJ Maxx will be closing in 2014. We always have the best time there. Like the time a lady with no teeth was bitching to us that she had to buy a shower gift for some ho she didn't even like...or the time we snuck up the steps because the elevator was out and got into trouble. I don't trust escalators, so it was my fault...but still, the security guard thought he was hot shit for scolding the gorgeous MILFs going up the back stairwell. Then there was the lady who shit her pants in the purse section. For once it wasn't one of us.
It was in the clearance home good aisle that we found our "traveling pants." You know, the object that you pass back and forth for years and document the adventures it went on..like "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." We both spotted the most adorable owl oversize mug. We both wanted it, but being that we are so fucking polite, we both wanted each other to have it. Then we came up with a plan. We take turns with it and document where its been and whats been in it. It's so cliche and dumb, but it makes us happy. Here is our "traveling mug".
It's so stinking cute, I can't stand it. We have only had it for a day and it's had an Indian food coupon, cupcake, candy, and part of my boob in it. (seriously, I wanted to see how big it really was, lol).
By this time, we are HONGRAY. It's time for Indian food. We make our way to Akash India because we have a coupon and you DO NOT stand in the way of people with an indian food coupon. We make our way to Akash and was greeted by employees who do not mess around. At Akash, you come in, sit down, eat your shit, and leave. No dilly dallying. So what did we do? We dilly dallied. I know why they don't like you sticking around...it's because you will notice their restaurant being eaten alive by termites. The wall next to us was seriously falling apart. No matter..the food was good and we ate like it was Thanksgiving...or a typical Tuesday for us, lol. Speaking of Thanksgiving, our traditional Pastoriza/Applegate Thanksgiving plans were set in stone and reservations made...even though we didn't consult anyone else in the family to get their opinion. Too bad for them, lol! Here is a picture of the mug making it's debut.
What do you do after eating Indian food? Why, go to a candy store, of course! We head across the street to the old timey candy store...because that's exactly what we need the week of Halloween...more candy. Once again, I know what I want and get exactly what I need...while Emily takes 18 years to decide and then starts all over. I told the lady who works there that I had just picked Emily up from the home and she is still adjusting to the outside world. The lady said, "Oh you must be sisters." Here is Emily trying to get the exact same amount of jelly beans in two containers so her kids don't draw blood fighting.
After candy, the next natural step is cupcakes. Off to Abby Girl Cupcakes we go!! Along the way, we were approached for more money..this time by a dude who needs bus fare..when really he needs pot fare because you still can smell it a mile away. Along the way we spotted someone who's skirt was obviously put through a shredder before she put it on, a dude playing drums on buckets, and a big sign advertising "dougsants" which made me stop in my tracks and try to understand. All this time we are eating our candy...because it's still a whole block before we get to the cupcake shop and we don't want to starve.
It's serious business at Abby Girl Cupcakes. I know Emily always gets the red velvet, but she thought she was a bad ass and got salted caramel this time. Halfway through the cupcake, she says "I should've got the red velvet." Feast your eyes on this yumminess...
These were ridiculous. Emily dropped $11 on more to take to her family. Too bad she left them in the parking garage! LMFAO!!! Someone is having a good day. I know if I came a crossed some abandoned cupcakes, I'd swear I died and went to heaven.
Finally, it was time to say goodbye. We didn't do anything that people don't do every single day. A little shopping, a little lunching, a little cup caking...but to us it one of the greatest adventures ever. We don't get to see each other often..maybe once or twice a month, but even the simple things we do are way more awesome and way more cool than anything.
Until next time....
I love it! Michelle, you have a way with words and I always enjoy reading your FB posts. Cheers (in the owl mug) to you for starting the blog!
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